My heart sank after reading this report on the BBC News website this morning.
Horror comedy for BBC Three duo
Mathew Horne and James Corden
Horne and Corden play best friends Fletch and Jimmy in the British filmGavin and Stacey actors Matthew Horne and James Corden are to co-star in a comedy called Lesbian Vampire Killers.
The actors, who recently signed up to make a new comedy sketch show for BBC Three, play friends who find themselves stuck in a village of bloodsuckers.
Corden said it was “a dream come true” to make the picture with “best friend” Horne. The latter said he would have “a fun time” working on the project.
“I love lesbians, I love vampires and I quite like James Corden,” he added.
Lesbian Vampire Killers is written by Stewart Williams, a writer on Channel 4’s Friday Night Project, and Paul Hupfield from Balls of Steel.
While neither a fan of Matthew Horne or James Corden, I’m sure they could be perfectly presentable in a big-budget britsh comedy. My main worry is the film itself, coming from writers from Friday Night Project and Balls of Steel can we hope for anything better than the turgid slop that is shoveled onto Channel Four screens on Friday Nights? Perhaps not, after all I’m an eternal optimist and I believe that every one deserves a second chance….. oh wait, sorry, I just saw a piece of trivia on the imdb page:
Writers Williams and Hupfield were challenged to think of the dumbest and yet most commercial title possible for a film, Lesbian Vampire Killers was the answer. They then went away and wrote the script.
There is no hope, no hope for any of us. After the wonderful performance of “Three and Out” at the box office (a stunning £189,454 on its opening weekend), I thought we had reached the nadir of British Comedy. With the news of Lesbian Vampire Killers, I fear we have not yet hit rock bottom.
The only saving grace will be to hear Mark Kermode’s rant on Radio 5’s Simon Mayo show.
I leave you with the delightful synopsis of the film taken from AV Pictures website:
Two no-hopers. One cursed village.
A bus full of foreign female students and an army of salacious lesbian vampires. It’s gonna be one hell of a night!
Eternal slacker Jimmy Maclaren and his friend, Fletch, are enjoying a walking holiday on The Moors. Thanks to an unfortunate series of events, they find themselves stuck in a remote cottage with a camper-van full of sexy foreign student girls, besieged by a hungry army of lascivious lesbian vampires.
Can they make it till dawn or will the Sapphic soul suckers bleed them dry?
The two friends have been sent to this desolate outpost as human sacrifices by the local townspeople – a group of terrified men, whose women have all been enslaved by a legendary vampire curse placed on their village by Carmilla the Lesbian Vampire Queen. Soon after the curse was cast, Carmilla was executed by 17th Century vampire hunter Baron Wolfgang Maclaren … who, by coincidence, was Jimmy’s great, great grandfather.
Back in the cottage, the army of the undead prove they have a bloodlust when the moon is full, matched only by their lust for the flesh of other women! As the pretty travellers are picked off one-by-one, joining the ranks of the undead, Jimmy and student Lotte are captured by the lesbian vampires who plan to use their blood to resurrect the spirit of Carmilla, their Vampire Queen! It’s up to Jimmy’s good-for-nothing best friend Fletch, and his newfound ally – a disgruntled local vicar – to save them all before sunrise.
Armed with the sword of long-dead vampire slayer Wolfgang Maclaren, Fletch and the vicar track down their preternatural prey to Carmilla’s mansion lair, and a life or death battle ensues. Jimmy and the last remaining girl, Lotte, are saved, the vampires slain and their curse lifted forever! Now all that is left for our heroes to do is rebuild their lives and embrace their newfound destiny.
As The Lesbian Vampire Killers!
Tags: balls of steel, comedy, Film, gavin and stacey, horror, james corden, lesbian vampire killers, matthew horne, movie, uk, vampire
